A Reflection on Should Statements

If you are anything like me, then we are both experts at “should statements.” You know, “I should read more,” “I should exercise more,” “I should be more on top of work.” It's hard for me to recall a day in recent memory when I was completely free of “should statements.” I find myself contemplating what I should do when I have free time or when I’m not meeting my goals – big or small. It is a normal process of checking in with ourselves. It helps us figure out “how did I get here and where do I go next to reach my goal?” However, being overwhelmed with “should statements” can lead to feelings of inadequacy, regret, and despair. It is paralyzing to feel that we did not seize the moment to do something that could have put us in a better position. Perfectionism has once again found its way in.

The current climate of uncertainty we are in has taken away a general sense of predictability which can elicit feelings of helplessness. People are finding themselves going through life transitions quickly: employment instability, budgeting more, tension in close relationships. We are finding ways to function while continuing to weather more uncertainty unfolding and leaving its mark.

Some of you are doing this while away from your support system; navigating unemployment or significant changes at work; caring for dependents and yourself; not knowing if and when a ruptured relationship can be repaired. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed by should statements, think again. Pause and check in with yourself about all of the things you are already doing for yourself and others. If it is difficult to give yourself the credit you deserve, try one of these exercises. Research shows that self-compassion increases motivation and boosts self-confidence. You can also reach out to a friend, family member, or mentor to chat about your experiences. Connection is one of the best antidotes to stress. Many therapists are also available in-person and online.

“Sometimes it’s OK if the only thing you did today was breathe.”